Cleveland Jokes
Q. Why do ducks fly over Cleveland upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!
Q: Why was Cleveland City Council members startled by Drew Carey's ideas about revitalizing the city?
A: They thought they were going to discuss how to win at Plinko!
Q: What is the difference between a person from Cleveland and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.
Q: What's the only thing that grows in Cleveland?
A: The Crime Rate!
Q: How much snow and sleet fell in Cleveland?
A: So much that hookers are exchanging sex for Ice Melt.
Q: How do you know that Cleveland is getting desparate to help remove record snowfalls this winter?
A: They are willing to pay Amy Winehouse and Lindsay Lohan by the ounce to help out with snow removal
Q: What are the only two seasons in Cleveland?
A: Winter and Construction.
Q: What is the difference between a bucket of shit and people from Cleveland?
A: The bucket.
Q: What's the difference between the Mayor of Cleveland and a prostitute?
A: The prostitute gives value for the money she takes.
Q. What is a Cleveland landlord's favorite game to play?
A: Monopoly
Q: How do people in Cleveland vote?
A: Early and often!
Q: How do you casterate a person from Cleveland?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: What should you do if you find three people from Cleveland buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between a person from Cleveland and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. How did the boy from Cleveland die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What do people from Cleveland and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They�re both empty from the neck up.
Q: Why do people from Cleveland keep their driver's license on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: How do kids from Cleveland spend the first week of the school year?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights
Q: How do you know you are in Cleveland?
A: When you pull up to a red light, you roll up your windows!
Q: Did you hear about the power outage in the Cleveland library?
A: Thirty people were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: What does the average student from Cleveland get on his SAT?
A: Drool.
Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Cleveland?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.
Q: Why do people from Cleveland have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!
Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Cleveland?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Q: What is the definition of a Cleveland virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers.
Q: What do tornadoes and people from Cleveland have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.
Q: How do they separate the men from the boys in Cleveland?
A: With a restraining order.
Q: What's the first thing an Cleveland girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A: Walks home.
Q: What did the Cleveland girl say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!
Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in Cleveland?
A: No one would look for them.
Q: What's the advantage of being married to a person from Cleveland?
A: You can park in handicapped zones.
Q: How do you know that Michael Jackson is not dead?
A: He's still registered to vote in Cleveland!
Q: What is the difference between Fausto Carmona and bowling icon Walter Ray Williams, Jr.?
A: Walter Ray Williams, Jr. knows how to throw a strike.
Q: Why did the Post Office recall their latest stamps?
A: They had pictures of Indians players on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
Q: Why does Jim Brown want Lebron James to remain in Cleveland?
A: Because misery loves company!
Q: Why shouldn't prosecutors release Browns WR Donte Stallworth from jail?
A: Because if he's going back to Cleveland he won't notice a difference!
Q: How many Cleveland Browns does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A: Nobody knows and we may never find out!
Q: What do you call an Cleveland Cavaliers player with a championship ring?
A: A thief.
Q: How do you know you've found Lebron James' cell phone?
A: It vibrates and receives calls, but doesn't have a ring!
Q: What did Lebron James eat during his last breakfast in the city of Cleveland?
A: Eggs Benedict Arnold!
Career Day
It's career day in elementry school where each student talks about what their dad does.
Little Johnny is last, and finally the teacher calls on him to talk about his dad.
Johnny comes to the front of the class. 'My daddy is a dancer at a gay bar. He takes off his clothes for other men, and if they pay him enough money, he goes into the alley and performs sex acts on them.'
The teacher is shocked, and she calls for an early recess for the rest of the class.
She sits down with Johnny and asks him if this is really true about his dad.
Johnny says; 'No, but I was too embarrassed to say he played for the Cleveland Cavaliers.'
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