Ann Arbor Jokes

Q: Why don't kids from Ann Arbor become doctors?
A: Because you can't write prescriptions in spray paint....SAES

Q: Why do ducks fly over Ann Arbor upside down?
A: There's nothing worth craping on!

Q: What is the difference between a person from Ann Arbor and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Q: What's the only thing that grows in Ann Arbor?
A: The Crime Rate!

Q: What happens when Ohio State chokes?
A: They go blue.

Q: How much snow and sleet fell in Ann Arbor?
A: So much that hookers are exchanging sex for Ice Melt.

Q: How do you know that Ann Arbor is getting desparate to help remove record snowfalls this winter?
A: They are willing to pay Amy Winehouse and Lindsay Lohan by the ounce to help out with snow removal

Q: What are the only two seasons in Ann Arbor?
A: Winter and Construction.

Q: What's more criminally negligent than having a soft narcotics stance in Ann Arbor?
A: Apparently running over a duck.

Q: What do heroin and jaywalking have in common?
A: They're both illegal, except in Ann Arbor.

Q: Why do only Caucasians get into hockey fights in Ann Arbor?
A: Because the African-Americans are already in jail for fighting in football.

Q: What is the difference between a bucket of shit and people from Ann Arbor?
A: The bucket.

Q: What's the difference between the Mayor of Ann Arbor and a prostitute?
A: The prostitute gives value for the money she takes.

Q. What is a Ann Arbor landlord's favorite game to play?
A: Monopoly

Q: How do people in Ann Arbor vote?
A: Early and often!

Q: How do you casterate a person from Ann Arbor?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: What should you do if you find three people from Ann Arbor buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between a person from Ann Arbor and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. How did the boy from Ann Arbor die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What do people from Ann Arbor and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

Q: Why do people from Ann Arbor keep their driver's license on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: How do kids from Ann Arbor spend the first week of the school year?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights

Q: How do you know you are in Ann Arbor?
A: When you pull up to a red light, you roll up your windows!

Q: Did you hear about the power outage in the Ann Arbor library?
A: Thirty people were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: What does the average student from Ann Arbor get on his SAT?
A: Drool.

Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Ann Arbor?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.

Q: Why do people from Ann Arbor have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!

Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Ann Arbor?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.

Q: What is the definition of a Ann Arbor virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers.

Q: What do tornadoes and people from Ann Arbor have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.

Q: What's the first thing an Ann Arbor girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A: Walks home.

Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in Ann Arbor?
A: No one would look for them.

Q: What's the advantage of being married to a person from Ann Arbor?
A: You can park in handicapped zones.

Q: How do you know that Michael Jackson is not dead?
A: He's still registered to vote in Ann Arbor!

Q: What happens when a minority commits a crime in Ann Arbor?
A: Another minority goes to jail for it!

The Ann Arbor News says Heroin is an opioid thats cheaper than prescription pills. I think it's a narcotic that destroys families and communities.

Career Day
It's career day in elementry school where each student talks about what their dad does.
Little Johnny is last, and finally the teacher calls on him to talk about his dad.
Johnny comes to the front of the class. 'My daddy is a dancer at a gay bar. He takes off his clothes for other men, and if they pay him enough money, he goes into the alley and performs sex acts on them.'
The teacher is shocked, and she calls for an early recess for the rest of the class.
She sits down with Johnny and asks him if this is really true about his dad.
Johnny says; 'No, but I was too embarrassed to say he's an assistant coach for the Michigan Wolverines.'

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