Akron Jokes

Q. Why do ducks fly over Akron upside down?

A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Q: What is the difference between a person from Akron and a baby?

A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Q: What's the only thing that grows in Akron, Ohio?

A: The Crime Rate!

Q: What will happen if the people Akron, Ohio get any fatter?

A: City Council will change the cities nickname from "The Rubber City" to "The Flubber City"!

Q: How much snow and sleet fell in Akron?

A: So much that hookers are exchanging sex for Ice Melt.

Q: How do you know that Akron is getting desparate to help remove record snowfalls this winter?

A: They are willing to pay Amy Winehouse and Lindsay Lohan by the ounce to help out with snow removal

Q: What are the only two seasons in Akron?

A: Winter and Construction.

Q: What is the difference between a bucket of shit and people from Akron?

A: The bucket.

Q: What's the difference between the Mayor of Akron and a prostitute?

A: The prostitute gives value for the money she takes.

Q. What is a Akron landlord's favorite game to play?

A: Monopoly

Q: How do people in Akron vote?

A: Early and often!

Q: How do you casterate a person from Akron, Ohio?

A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: What should you do if you find three people from Akron buried up to their neck in cement?

A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between a person from Akron and a carp?

A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. How did the boy from Akron die from drinking milk?

A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What do people from Akron and a bottle of beer have in common?

A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

Q: Why do people from Akron keep their driver's license on their dashboards?

A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: How do kids from Akron, Ohio spend the first week of the school year?

A: Studying the Miranda Rights

Q: How do you know you are in Akron?

A: When you pull up to a red light, you roll up your windows!

Q: Did you hear about the power outage in the Akron library?

A: Thirty people were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: What does the average student from Akron get on his SAT?

A: Drool.

Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Akron?

A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.

Q: Why do people from Akron have TGIF on their shoes?

A: Toes Go In First!

Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Akron?

A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.

Q: What is the definition of a Akron virgin?

A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers.

Q: What do tornadoes and people from Akron have in common?

A: They both end up in trailer parks.

Q: How do they separate the men from the boys in Akron, Ohio?

A: With a restraining order.

Q: What's the first thing an Akron girl does when she wakes up in the morning?

A: Walks home.

Q: What did the Akron girl say after sex?

A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!

Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in Akron, Ohio?

A: No one would look for them.

Q: What's the advantage of being married to a person from Akron, Ohio?

A: You can park in handicapped zones.

Q: How do you know that Michael Jackson is not dead?

A: He's still registered to vote in Akron!

Q: How do you know you've found Lebron James' cell phone?

A: It vibrates and receives calls, but doesn't have a ring!

Q: After extracting a benign growth along his right jaw line what procedure is Lebron James looking to perform?

A: Extracting himself from the Cleveland Cavaliers!

Lebron James Jokes

Career Day

It's career day in elementry school where each student talks about what their dad does.

Little Johnny is last, and finally the teacher calls on him to talk about his dad.

Johnny comes to the front of the class. 'My daddy is a dancer at a gay bar. He takes off his clothes for other men, and if they pay him enough money, he goes into the alley and performs sex acts on them.'

The teacher is shocked, and she calls for an early recess for the rest of the class.

She sits down with Johnny and asks him if this is really true about his dad.

Johnny says; 'No, but I was too embarrassed to say he's a coach for the Akron Zips football team.'

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