Presidents' Day Jokes
What did Americans do because of the Stamp Act?
They licked the British.
How do you to play War of 1812?
You burn down a White House.
What kind of tea did the American colonists want?
Liberty.
Who was the biggest jokester in George Washington's army?
Laughayette
What was the most popular dance in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
Do you know the 16th President of the United States?
No, we were never introduced!
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
It can't sit down.
Where was the Declaration of Independance signed?
At the bottom!
What do you call a Nebraskan who hates Democratic Presidents?
A CORNservative.
Why did Barack Obama bulldoze the Rose Garden?
He didn't want any Bushes at the White House.
How did Richard Nixon sleep in the White House?
First he lied on one side, then he lied on the other.
Whats the best birthday gift you can give to George W?
An Exit Strategy from Iraq.
What is Bill Clinton favorite instrument?
A sexaphone!
Civil War Jokes? I General Lee don't find them funny.
Lincoln is doing well in theaters, historically this has not been true.
If you were a president, you'd be Babe-raham Lincoln.
I went to this Gentleman's club in Pennsylvania and this babe Lincoln gave me the Gettysburg undress.
Presidential Quotes
"The nine most terrifying words in the English language are: 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'" -Ronald Reagan
"I hope you're all Republicans." -(Reagan)speaking to surgeons as he entered the operating room following a 1981 assassination attempt.
"If the freedom of speech is taken away then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter." -George Washington
"Liberty, when it begins to take root, is a plant of rapid growth." -George Washington
"It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one." -George Washington
"I destroy my enemies when I make them my friends." -Abraham Lincoln
"A house divided against itself cannot stand." -Abraham Lincoln
"Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe." -Abraham Lincoln
"Do you want to know who you are? Don't ask. Act! Action will delineate and define you." -Thomas Jefferson
"The God who gave us life, gave us liberty at the same time." -Thomas Jefferson
"It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it." -George W. Bush
"When I was in England I experimented with marijuana a time or two -- and didn't like it -- and didn't inhale and never tried inhaling again." -Bill Clinton