National Heimlich Maneuver Day Jokes

Why does LeBron's wife know the heimlich maneuver?
Because he has a tendency to choke.

What song plays in your head when you're choking?
Jordin Sparks "No Air"

My wife was about to put my son in a New York Jets jersey, but I reminded her it was a choking hazard.

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

Why do the Texas Longhorns eat cereal straight from the box?
They choke whenever they get near a bowl.

Touch my Lucky Charms & I will choke your little Leprechaun

Hillbilly CPR
Two hillbillies walk into a bar to wash the dust from their throats and grab a beer. They are standing at the bar drinking their beers and talking about current cattle prices when all of a sudden a woman at a nearby table, who was eating a sandwich, begins to choke. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swaller?" The women violently shakes her head no. "Kin ya breathe?" the other asks. The women doesn't answer begins to turn blue. The hillbilly then runs up behind her, lifts up her dress, yanks down her panties and runs his tounge all over her ass in a circular motion until finally the woman becomes shocked and it send her into a violent spasm and the obstruction flys from her mouth. As she begins to breathe, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar and takes a drink from his beer. The other hillbilly says to his friend, "Ya know? I'd heard of that there HIND LICK MANEUVER, but, I aint ever seen nobody do it.

If you keep them in stitches at the dinner table, just make sure you know the Heimlich maneuver!

National Heimlich Maneuver Day is observed annually on June 1st.

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