Memorial Day Jokes

"A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself."

Soldiers in Heaven
Little Jake asked his mother during the Memorial Day Parade: "Mamma, don't soldiers ever go to heaven?"
"Of course they do!" protested his mother. "What makes you ask?"
"There are so many soldiers with beards but I never saw any pictures of angels with beards." he replied
The mother responded "Oh, that's because most vets who go to Heaven get there by a close shave."

Q: How do you get rid of Germans fascists?
A: Von by von.

Q: What do French recruits learn in basic training?
A: How to surrender in 17 different languages.

Q: How does the recipe for German chocolate cake begin?
A: First, invade ze kitchen.

Q: What kind of tea did the American colonists want?
A: Liberty.

Q: How do you start the Memorial Day parade in the ghetto?
A: Roll a 40 down the street!

Q: What do you call a Blind German?
A: a Not see

Q: What do you call a building full of Taliban?
A: Jail

What is a cows favorite holiday?
Answer: Moomorial day

Q: What did Nala tell Simba after seeing a group of veterans parading towards them on Memorial Day?
A: You gotta Mufasa

Q: What's the difference between Mike Tyson and Osama Bin Laden?
A: Mike Tyson can take a shot to the head.

Q: What do an apple and Benito Mussolini have in common?
A: They both belong hanging in trees.

Q: How do Germans tie their shoes?
A: With little knotsies

Q: What did Osama Bin Laden's ghost say to Mitt Romney?
A: "Don't be sad, Obama's foreign policy killed me too"

What was the most popular dance in 1776?

What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
It can't sit down.

What are the two main rules in the Army?
1. The commanding officer is always right.
2. If the commanding officer is not right, see #1

The 2012 film Lincoln is doing well in theaters, historically this has not been true.

Let us remember as we fall asleep this Memorial Day those who fight and the many that have died to protect our freedom.

Remember the fallen & their families this Memorial Day. Honor those who have so honored us.

Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell? Yeah, it cracked me up too!

If you want to avoid traffic this memorial day then avoid traveling on memorial day weekend.

I'm spending this Memorial Day weekend honoring the brave drones we lost.

The patriots blood is the seed of Freedoms tree.

We come, not to mourn our dead soldiers, but to praise them.

How does a real aryan look?
As blond as Hitler, as tall as Goebbels and as skinny as Göring.
(Hitler had black hair. Goebbels was rather short and Göring was fat.)

Vietnam War
During the Vietnam war, a Lieutenant asked a Marine why he was falling back during a really fierce battle. "Didn't you hear me say that we're outnumbered 4 to 1 ?"
The Marine replied, "I got my four Sir."

In The Navy
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman. "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave."
"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"

The Marine
A Marine and his commanding officer were sitting in the barbershop.
They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
The marine shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!"
The commanding officer turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."

Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?"
"My father said it'd be a good idea, sir." he replied
"Oh? And what does your father do?" asked the doctor
The recruit responded "He's in the Army, sir."

Vietnam Vet

A man was being interviewed for a job.

"Were you in the service?" asked the interviewer.

"Yes, I was a Marine," responded the applicant.

"Did you see any active duty?"

"I was in Vietnam for 2 years and I have a partial disability."

"May I ask what happened?"

"Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost both testicles."

"You're hired. You can start Monday at 10 am."

The somewhat surprised applicant asked, "When does everyone else start? I don't want any preferential treatment because of my disability."

"Everyone else starts at 7 o'clock, but I should be honest with you," explained the interviewer. "Nothing gets done before 10 o'clock because we just sit and scratch our balls trying to decide what to do first."

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