International Bath Day Jokes
What kind of jokes do you make in the bath tub?
Clean Jokes!
How do you get a Frenchman out of the bath tub?
Throw in a bar of soap.
Why wouldn't the egg take a hot bath?
He didn't want to be hard boiled.
Which birds steal soap from the bath?
Robber ducks!
Where do lambs get cleaned up?
In a baaaa-th tub!
Hey, I just met you. And this is crazy.
But I'm on bath salts. Your face looks tasty
Why did the pig take a bath?
The farmer said, "Hogwash!"
How does a cheerleader know when it's time to take a bath?
When she does the splits and she sticks to the floor.
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Dwayne!
Dwayne who!
"Dwayne the bathtub, I'm dwowning!"
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Phillip!
Phillip who?
"Phillip the tub, I want to take a bath."
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Wendy.
Wendy who?
"Wendy last time you took a bath?"
Milk Bath
A blonde reads that if you bathe in milk, it makes your skin beautiful.
So the next morning she leaves a note for the milkman, "Leave me 115 quarts of milk."
The next morning milkman reads this and thinks I better make sure this is what she wants.
He rings the bell and here is this beautiful blond with great complexion and tiny waist, he asks her if this is right.
She replies, "Yes it's good to bathe in milk."
The milkman then asks her if she wants it pasteurized.
She answers, "Oh no, just past my neck would be fine!"
Intercom
A Jumbojet was coming into London Heathrow after a long-haul trip from Singapore and the captain opened the intercom and said 'Ladies and gentlemen we are now making our final approach into Heathrow, we hope you've enjoyed flying with RarelyCrash Airways and that we'll see you again soon, please have a safe onward journey' at which point he forgot to turn the intercom off. He turned to the co-pilot and said 'well Roger what plans do you have for the rest of the day?' the co-pilot replied 'My wife will be at the hotel, Mike, and she's got seats booked for a West-End show, I don't know which one, what plans do you have?' The cabin crew and passengers meanwhile are quite enjoying this change from the norm. The captain continued 'as you know my divorce was finalised last week so I'll be taking a long soak in the bath before ordering dinner in my room. I'm thinking that after that I'll call the pretty new blonde stewardess working upstairs, Susanne I think her name is, and take her out for a drink then take her back to my room and give her a damn good seeing to'
At that moment the passengers cheered loudly
and in the upper deck Susanne realised the intercom was still on by accident and she had to get downstairs and let them know. She ran up the aisle and tripped headlong over an old ladys handbag which was poking out into the aisle.
The old lady looked down at the spread-eagled young woman and said 'there's no need to hurry love, he's going to have a bath first'
Heaven
There was this young woman who wanted to become a nun, so she went to church to speak to a nun,
The nun told her in order to become a nun you must go up stairs and draw Father Matthews bath water, and bring him his slippers.
The woman than went up stairs met Father Matthew
She asked him "Oh! father whats that?" ,
The father said "That's my golden key!"
Then father said "How about I stick my golden key in you're pearly gates and we can go to heaven all night?"
The woman than said "Oh yes father I would love to go to heaven for the night."
The next morning the woman went down stairs and the nun asked her how was you're night with Father Matthew.
The woman said it was wonderful he put his golden key in my pearly gates and we went to heaven all night.
The nun said "That bastard!.... he's been telling me it was gabriels horn and i've been blowing it...."