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You Know You're Russian If Jokes


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Your car costs more than your college education

Your blood has a permanent vodka content level, no matter you have been drinking or not

Things you can't live without include food, water, and a cell phone

You come home at 3am and your parents are still out partying with all your friend's parents

People are always asking you if you can get them a cheap deal on something...and you can

You know the new line of Nokia's 3 months before they come out on the market

You can't go to the movies on Sunday night without having to save 20 seats for your late friends cuz they're buying semichki

On the weekends your place of residence is the pool hall, and every 10 mins the tolstii pon'chik tells you to pick up line 2

You drive a Honda (or, in the EXTREME worse case a Nissan), and your windows are tinted to twice the legal limit

Your Honda is a 5-speed stick shift, and you laugh at anyone driving an automatic by calling them lohs

Your uncle is in the Russian Mafia or is a former employee of the KGB

You have been kicked out of the JCC at least twice for trying to sneak in without paying.

You can be identified as "Russian" by your scent (D&G or Aqua de Gio cologne).

You met your girl playing strip durak at the last party you went to.

Everyone you know has a ruchka of smirnoff in their trunk.

You start thinking of bread as a good mixer for vodka

You know more than 30 Olgas, Annas, Natashas, and Vikas

You have to tell your parents what channel is "YOUR" HBO, Showtime, Per-View is on.

Your parents have computer "experience" for 8 years already on the resume, yet they been in US for only 4...

You major in Computer Science or in worst case scenario Information Systems (but you still barely know how to turn on a computer).

Lifting a cigarette while drinking coffee counts as an exercise.

Some English words like "use, shop, apply, and etc." permanently become a part of your conversational

You're proud to be Russian - and you pass these jokes on to all your Russian friends!

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