"Oscar nominations came out. Up for best
actor, Sean Penn for 'Mystic River,' Jude Law for 'Cold Mountain,' and of
course, George W. Bush for 'Iraqi Weapons of Mass Destruction.'" —Jay
Leno
"President Bush is now launching an
investigation into pre-war intelligence over weapons of mass destruction. If we
find out that we were wrong, do we have to put Saddam Hussein back in the
hole?" —Jay Leno
"During testimony before the Senate Armed
Services Committee former U.S. Chief Weapons Inspector David Kay defended
President Bush for saying Iraq had weapons of mass destruction. Kay blamed the
'intelligence community.' And he doesn't want anybody confusing Bush with the
intelligence community. I think we're okay there." —Jay Leno
"Bush admitted that his pre-war
intelligence wasn't what it should have been. We knew that when we elected
him!" —Jay Leno
"Condoleezza Rice was on every network
morning show today blaming this whole mess on 'flawed intelligence.' Afterward
the president took her into his office and said, 'You weren't talking about me
were you?'" —Bill Maher, on the failure to find weapons of mass
destruction in Iraq
"This week has been a tough week for
President Bush. Yesterday ... David Kay testified before Congress on weapons of
mass destruction. He said, 'We were almost all wrong.' You never hear a
politician say that. We were almost all wrong. President Bush hasn't heard those
words since he took his SATs." —Jay Leno
"In last year's State of The Union, Bush
said there was no doubt that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction. Last night,
Bush said they had 'weapons of mass destruction related program activities.'
What’s he going to say next year — Iraq had weaponish thing-a-ma-jig
whatcha-ma-callits." —Jay Leno
"They found several pairs of Saddam's
boxer shorts in the hut and, by the way, that is the closest we have come to
finding weapons of mass destruction." —David Letterman
"In Iraq, the terrorists are now firing
missiles from donkey carts and working on plans for suicide donkeys. I guess
these are the high-tech weapons President Bush was talking about." —Jay
Leno
"As of yesterday, the Bush administration
still hadn't found the source of the White House leak that outed a woman as a
CIA operative. To recap, here are the things President Bush can't find: The
source of the leak, weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Saddam Hussein, Osama
bin laden, the link between Saddam and Osama bin laden, the guy who sent the
anthrax through the mail, and his butt with two hands and a flash light."
—Tina Fey, Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"
"U.S. intelligence sources now tell us
they think Iraqi defectors were telling some pretty tall tales about weapons of
mass destruction programs just to get money, visas and asylum. Just to give you
an idea of how dangerous this was, for a couple of days there, some of the stuff
they were making up got mixed with some of the stuff we were making up and Bush
actually thought Iraq was attacking." —Bill Maher
"The United Nations has approved the
removal of sanctions on Iraq. The lifting of the sanctions will let the Iraqis
have a chance to have things they've never had before — like medicine
and weapons of mass destruction." —Conan O'Brien
"According to President Bush, 'Weapons of
Mass Destruction' is just a figure of speech meaning 'A defenseless nation
overflowing with crude oil' — that's all. This reminds me of a time in college
when my buddy told me 'Hey man, you gotta come to this party. There'll be a ton
of hot chicks there.' But when I got to the party there wasn't a hot chick in
sight — just a bunch of dudes and a keg of crappy beer. So me and my
buddy named Briton got out of there as fast as possible and told ourselves that
all the hot chicks were probably destroyed before we showed up." —Craig
Kilborn
"This week President Bush insisted he is
absolutely convinced that Saddam had a weapons program. Of course he was
absolutely convinced that he won the 2000 election, so I don't know."
—Jay Leno
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