French Jokes

Q: What do you call a Frenchman advancing on Baghdad?
A: A salesman.

Q: Where can you find 60,100,000 French jokes?
A: In France.

Q: How do you brainwash a Frenchman?
A: Fill his underpants with water.

Q: How do you kill a Frenchman?
A: Slam the toilet seat down when he's getting a drink.

Q: How did the French react to German reunification?
A: They put up speed bumps at the borders to slow down the panzers.

Q: What do you call a man who only needs body armor on his back?
A: Jacques Chirac

Q: What is the other way to spell the name of the French president?
A: Jacques ChIraq.

Q: What's the best place to hide your money?
A: Under a Frenchman's soap.

Q: What do you do if you drive over a Frenchman?
A: Reverse!

Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

Q: The American military wears combat boots. What does the French military wear?
A: Track shoes.

Q: How do you sink a French battleship?
A: Put it in water.

Q: What do French recruits learn in basic training?
A: How to surrender in 17 different languages.

Q: Why don't the French eat M&M candies?
A: They're too hard to peel.

Q: What is the most useful thing in the French Army?
A: A rearview mirror, so they can see the war.

Q: What's the difference between Frenchmen and toast?
A: You can make soldiers out of toast.

Q: How do you stop a French tank?
A: Shoot the guy that's pushing it.

Q: What do you do if a Frenchman throws a hand-grenade at you?
A: Take the pin out and throw it back.

Q: How do you get a Frenchman out of a bath tub?
A: Throw in a bar of soap.

Q: Why do French People eat snails?
A: Because they don't like fast food!

Q: What color is the American flag?
A: Red, White, and Blue.
Q: What color is the British flag?
A: Red, White, and Blue.
Q: What color is the French flag?
A: White.

What's yellow and looks good on the french?
The advanced stages of cancer

Why are all the roads in France lined with trees?
Because the Germans like to march in the shade.

What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their arms up?
The French Foreign Legion

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