Chav Jokes


What kind of drinks does a man with a vasectomy make?
All juice no seeds.

What is the difference between a prostate and a garden hose?
There’s a vas deference.

Why are people with vasectomies called amateurs?
Because they can no longer pro-create.

A man with a vasectomy went hunting. Why couldn't he kill anything?
He was shooting blanks.

Is there a big anatomical difference between a man with a vasectomy and one without?
Yes, a vas deference.

Why did the blonde wear a tuxedo to his vasectomy?
He said: "If I'm gonna be im-po-tent, I wanna look im-po-tant."

A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up. -Henry Youngman

A battlefield vasectomy is always a bad idea. Because the last thing you want to do in a battle is shoot blanks.

Hallmark Card
Happy Vasectomy!
Hope you feel zippy!
‘Cause when I had mine
I got real snippy.

Redneck Vasectomy:
After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough (they could not afford a larger double wide). So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him that he and his wife/cousin didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but it is expensive. The doctor said there is a less expensive procedure and instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Alabama), light it, put it in a beercan, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man, but don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me." So, the couple drove to Georgia to get a second opinion. The Georgia physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama. This doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer can, hold it to his ear and count to 10. Figuring that both learned physicians couldn't be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count. "1, 2, 3, 4, 5 . . . .", at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.... Also works in Tennessee and West Virginia.

Castration:
Joe was a successful lawyer, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his career and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help. After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across an old country doctor who solved the problem.

"The good news is I can cure your headaches... the bad news is that it will require castration." You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

Joe was shocked and depressed. He woundered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.

As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "that's what I need .. a new suit."

He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 42 long." Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in business 60 years!" Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "how about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said "sure..." The salesman eyed Joe and said "let's see...34 sleeves and...16 and a half neck." Joe was suprised, "that's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years" Joe tried one the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked "how about some new shoes?" Joe was on a roll and said "sure!"

The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said "Let's see... 10-1/2...E." Joe said astonished, "that's right, how did you know?" "Been in business 60 years!" Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked "how about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a second and said, "sure!" The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said "Let's see... size 36."

Joe laughed, "Ah ha! I got you I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old." "The salesman shook his head, "you can't wear a size 34, it will press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."

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