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Stripper Jokes


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Q: Why did the man keep throwing Monopoly Money at the stripper?
A: Because she kept putting fake tits in his face!

Q: What do you call a male strip club?
A: A cockpit.

Q: What do you call a 350-pound stripper?
A: Broke!

Q: What's the difference between a dead stripper and a Cadillac?
A: I don't have a Cadillac in my garage

Q: What do you call a Muslim stripper?
A: youseen memuff

Q: What's the difference between a cocktail waitress and a stripper?
A: About 1 week.

Q: What's the difference between a stripper's boyfriend and aspirin?
A: Aspirin works.

Q: What does a stripper do with her asshole before work?
A: She drops him off at band practice.

Q: What's the difference between a magician and a stripper?
A: One has a cunning stunt...

Q: What do you call a stripper with her hand down her panties?
A: Self Employed!

Q: Why are only 5% of strippers touch-typists?
A: The rest are hunt'n peckers.

Q: Why do strippers make bad bankrobbers?
A: Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards

Q: Whats better than roses on a naked stripper?
A: Her Tulips ( two lips ) on your organ!

Q: How is a stripper like peanut-butter?
A: They spread for the bread.

Q: Why did the stripper wear panties?
A: To keep her ankles warm.

Q: Why did the stripper stare at the orange juice can?
A: Because it said "concentrate."

Q: Whats the difference between a stripper and a mosquito?
A: When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking.

Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and a stripper have in common?
A: They both swallowed a lot of semen.

Q: Why do strippers always want boob jobs?
A: Because it's the only job they are qualified for.

Q: What do you call two nuns and a stripper?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A stripper parade.

Q: Did you hear about the stripper who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.

Q: Why did the stripper wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

Q: What's the quickest way to get into a strippers panties?
A: Pick them up off the floor.

Q: What's a strippers favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.

Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for strippers?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...

Q: What does a bowling ball and a stripper have in common?
A: You can put three fingers in both of them, throw them in the gutter, and they'll still come back for more.

Q: What do u call a stripper with 2 ponytails?
A: A blowjob with handelbars!

Q: What's the difference between a stripper and a solar powered calculator?
A: The blonde works in the dark!

Q: What does a stripper put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.

Q: What's the last thing an Oklahoma stripper takes off?
A: Her bowling shoes.

Q: What do you call kids born in strip clubs?
A: Brothel sprouts.

Q: What do you get when you cross a stripper with a systems engineer?
A: A fuckin know-it-all!

Q: Who makes more money a drug dealer or a stripper?
A: A stripper because she can wash her crack and reuse it.

Q: What do you tell a stripper with 2 black eyes?
A: Nothing. You've already told her twice!

Q: What's the difference between your job and a Dead Stripper?
A: Your job still sucks!

Q: What do you do if your stripper is running around screaming and bleeding in your hotel room?
A: Shoot her again!

Q: How many cops does it take to push a stripper down the stairs?
A: None "She fell"

Two friends
Two friends went to a strip club. When they got inside they noticed two seats conspicuously unoccupied in the front row. Seizing the opportunity, the took the seats.
As soon as the first dancer walked out, the guy directly behind them yelled, "Yeah baby! That's what I've been waiting for!"
One of the friends in the front row turned around and gave him a dirty look. A few minutes into the show, the dancer did a move and snatched off her top, revealing two tassles. The guy behind our friend goes off again. "Yeah baby! Shake those things."
The other friend turned around and said, "Hey buddy, calm down!"
After a few moments, the dancer did another move, and snatched off her dress, revealing a very thin G-string. Again the man behind our friend yelled out, "Oh baby! You're almost there!"
The other friend again turned around and said, "Hey buddy, shut the hell up, will ya!"
A few minutes later, the dancer stretched out on the floor and snatched off both the pasties and the G-string, and the whole club went wild, except for the man behind our friend. Curious, the other friend turned around and asked, "Say buddy, where's your enthusiasm now"?
The guy responded, "It's on your back, dude."

Car Salesman
Two car salesmen were sitting at the bar.

One complained to the other, "Boy, business sucks. If donít sell more cars this month, Iím going to lose my fucking ass!"

Too late" he noticed a beautiful blonde, sitting two stools away. Immediately, he offered apologies for his use of bad language.

"Thatís okay," the blonde replied, "I'm a stripper, and I have a very similar problem, If I donít sell more ass this month, Iím going to lose my fucking car!"

Neurosurgeon
A Brain surgeon consults with prospective patient about brain transplant:

Surgeon, "There are three brains available for your transplant surgery. Nuclear physicist - $1000; Philosophy professor - $2000; Blonde stripper - $50,000."

Patient, "Why is the stripper's brain so expensive?"

Surgeon, "Never used."

Exotic Dancer
An Ohio exotic dancer was indicted for murder after she dragged a man under her car for more than a mile.
Witnesses to the scene called it "The worst lap dance ever."

Bowling Buddies
Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" "She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob and starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Bobbie. Want your usual table dance, big boy?" Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every four letter word in the book. The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time."

Mom
A boy goes to a strip club.
His MOM gets angry
Mom: Did you see anything there that you were not supposed to see?
BOY: Yes, I saw dad!


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