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How To Get Kicked Out Of Bed Joke


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But everybody looks funny naked!
You woke me up for that?
Did I mention the video camera?
Do you smell something burning?
My last three girlfriends died of cervical cancer
Try breathing through your nose.
A little rug burn never hurt anyone!
Your much prettier than the whores I usually sleep with
Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?
Hurry up! This room rents by the hour!
Can you please pass me the remote control?
Do you accept Visa?
On second thought, letís turn off the lights.
And to think -- I was really trying to pick up your friend!
So much for mouth-to-mouth.
Hope youíre as good looking when Iím sober...
(Holding a banana) Itís just a little trick I learned at the zoo!
(Preparing to incorporate peanut butter) But I just steam-cleaned this couch!
Got any penicillin?
I got three words for you Sacador Del Burro
Did I remember to take my Valtrex?
Smile, youíre on Candid Camera!
I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!
Didn't I sleep with your daughter
I want a baby!
So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies!
(In a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work?
Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth...
Did you know the ceiling needs painting?
I think you have it on backwards.
When is this supposed to feel good?
Don't worry I don't have AIDS, I have SIDA its only AIDS in Latin America and this is LA
Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs!
Youíre good enough to do this for a living!
Is that blood on the headboard?
Did I remember to take my pill?
I wish we got the Playboy channel...
That leak better be from the waterbed!
Thats cletus the crab he lives down there
I told you it wouldnít work without batteries!
Did I tell you my Aunt Judy died in this bed?
(Pick up a vegetable) Is this going in your ass or mine?
If you quit smoking you might have more endurance.
No, really... I do this part better myself!
Itís nice being in bed with a woman I donít have to inflate!
This would be more fun with a few more people.
Youíre almost as good as my ex!
Do you know the definition of statutory rape?
Is that you I smell or is it your mattress stuffed with rotten potatoes?
You look younger than you feel.
Perhaps youíre just out of practice.
You sweat more than a galloping stallion!
Theyíre not cracker crumbs, itís just a rash.
(Doing the Shocker) So baby is it two in the goo; one in the poo; or the other way around?
Now I know why he/she dumped you...
Does your husband own a sawed-off shotgun?
You give me reason to conclude that foreplay is overrated.
What tampon?
Have you ever considered liposuction?
And to think, I didnít even have to buy you dinner!
What are you planning to make for breakfast?
I have a confession...
I was so horny tonight I would have taken a duck home!
Are those real or am I just behind the times?
Were you by any chance repressed as a child?
Is that a hanging sculpture?
Youíll still vote for me, wonít you?
Did I mention my transsexual operation?
I really hate women who actually think sex means something!
Did you come yet, dear?
Iíll tell you who Iím fanatasizing about if you tell me who youíre fantasizing about...
A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time!
Oprah Winfrey had a show about men like you!
Hic! I need another beer for this please.
I think biting is romantic -- donít you?
You can cook, too right?
When would you like to meet my parents?
Have you seen ííFatal Attractioníí?
Sorry about the name tags, Iím not very good with names.
Donít mind me.. I always file my nails in bed.
(In a phone booth) Do you mind if I make a few phone calls?
I hope I didnít forget to turn the gas oven off. Do you have a light?
Donít worry, my dogís really friendly for a Doberman.
Sorry but I donít do toes!
You could at least ACT like youíre enjoying it!
Petroleum jelly or no petroleum jelly, I said NO!
Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper...
Iíll bet you didnít know I work for ííThe Enquireríí.
So thatís why they call you Mr. Flash!
My old girlfriend used to do it a LOT longer!
Is this a sin too?
Iíve slept with more women than Wilt Chamberlain!
Hey, when is it going to be my friendís turn?
How long do you plan to be ííalmost thereíí?
You mean youíre NOT my blind date?


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