Q: Why should you watch the morning show "View" with Barbara walters and Elizabeth Hasselbeck?
A: Tom Cruise is going to be a guest. Instead of the couch, Tom is going to use her stomach as a trampoline!
Q: How long did Katie kiss Tom during their wedding?
A: Apparently long enough to get the gay out of him!
Q: Why is it good that TomKat are not having a proper "Catholic wedding?
A: Katie is a fornicating whore who had a baby out of wedlock, and Tom is a suspected sodomite.
Q: Why did Tom Cruise wear a satellite dish on his head during his wedding with Katie Holmes?
A: To get better reception of the signals from the aliens!
Q: Why did People Magazine turn down Tom Cruise's offer to sell pictures of his infant daughter Suri?
A: The editor said "We'd pay 5 million for pictures of Suri's conception, but Tom Cruise isn't in them."
Q: Why did Astronomers say Pluto is no longer a planet?
A: They didn't want to be outdone by Paramount Pictures claim that Tom Cruise is no longer a star!
Q: Why is Tom Cruise going on Oprah?
A: With Reverend Jeremiah Wright in the news, he feels the need to defend his title of "Craziest Mother Fucker in America".
Q: What's the strangest sexual act that Nicole Kidman has performed in her long life?
A: Marrying Tom Cruise!
Q: How many Scientologists does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: None: the lightbulb must find
80,000 dollars to become clear, then it will have the selfdeterminism to change itself.
A2: One to unscrew the lightbulb, and six to hold the universe still so it doesn't turn round with the bulb.
A3: Two: one to hold each wire, and the other to ask questions of the first until the bulb lights up.
Statement: Tom Cruise told Time Magazine he hated people until he found Scientology.
Punchline: Now people hate Tom Cruise!
Q: Why is Tom Cruise getting fit with intense Pilates sessions?
A: Pilates, is a young supple Greek cabana boy!
Q: Why didn't Tom Cruise want Katie Holmes to be in another Batman film?
A: Because Batman is not a Scientologist... he is a Reform Jew that drives around in a batmobile instead of a spaceship.
Q: Why did Tom Cruise check into a clinic for mental depression?
A: He read an U.S Study about taller people being happier on average than shorter people!
Q: Why did Tom Cruise go on Oprah after Reverend Jeremiah Wright (Obama's pastor) held a press conference?
A: Because Tom wanted to defend his title of "Craziest Mutha Fucka in America"!
Q: Why did Katie Holmes call 911 asking for help?
A: Because she knocked out her "bodyguards", escaped her house/prison, and thought Tom couldn't see her!
Statement: According to the church of Scientology, Tom Cruise is the "authority on the mind"
Punchline: In related news, Weight Watchers stated Queen Latifah is the "authority of food"
Q: Why won't Tom Cruise let Suri or Katie Holmes have a cat?
A: He's not a big fan of pussy!
Statement: Tom Cruise personally apologized to Brooke Shields in regards to his comments about anti-depressants.
Punchline: Cruise also plans to personally apologize for War Of The Worlds, Mission Impossible III, & Lions for Lambs!
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