Rick Perry Jokes

Q: Why won't Rick Perry become president of the United States?
A: After you go Barack, you never go back!

Q: How does Rick Perry think Mormon presidential candidate Mitt Romney will win the soccer mom vote?
A: By marrying all of them!

Q: Why would democrats love a Rick Perry-Sarah Palin presidental ticket?
A: She can't answer basic questions, and he has two answers for every question!

Q: What happened after Rick Perry gave a speech on illegal immigration?
A: He issued a five-minute rebuttal!

Q: What has a better chance than Rick Perry winning the Republican nomination for President?
A: Rick Perry's hair moving in a tornado!

Q: How do you know if your a homosexual?
A: Rick Perry won't talk to you anymore!

Q: Which 2 food groups make up Rick Perry's diet?
A: Meat and Democrats!

Q: How does Rick Perry plan to win presidential debates?
A: Body Language

Q: What do you get when you cross George W. Bush and Yosemite Sam? A: Rick Perry!

Q: Why are other Republican presidential contenders alright with Rick Perry taking the lead? A: Because he's the one with the gun!

Rick Perry Facts

Rick Perry once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes slaughtering cows indiscriminately.

Rick Perry frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Notice I didn't say it was his own blood.

All George Strait's exes live in Texas because only Rick Perry can keep those crazy bitches in line.

Rick Perry does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls.

On a butterfly punch card ballot, even if you try to vote for Mitt Romney, your vote goes to Rick Perry.

When Rick Perry talks during movies, the movie pauses to let him finish what he is saying.

Rick Perry once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now referred to simply as "the islands".

When Rick Perry was old enough to laugh and clap, the vibration broke every window in the house.

If you enjoy walking you should never tell Rick Perry, "break a leg!" to wish him good luck. Trust me on this one.

Rick Perry can see the White House from his office.

Rick Perry doesn't cry wolf. Rick Perry makes Wolf Blitzer cry.

Rick Perry has won debates with his body language alone.

When Rick Perry had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.

Rick Perry just scared cancer into curing itself.

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