Mr. T Facts
Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.
When Mr. T folds his arms, the U.S. Terror Alert Level is raised to gold.
Mr T's chains are not made of gold, they are actually made of curium, one of the heaviest elements in existence. They were put there by the CIA to slow him down, and you're lucky they do, fool.
The last man who made eye contact with Mr. T was Ray Charles.
Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.
Mr. T is so scary that his hair is actually afraid to grow. The only reason he has a mohawk is because it's in his blind spot.
Mr. T invented the X-Ray, the G-String, the R-Rating and Jay-Z after a late-night drunken bender caused him to momentarily forget which letter he was.
World champion eater Takeru Kobayashi once ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Allotted the same time, Mr. T ate Kobayashi.
Google doesn't allow you to search for Mr. T because it knows you don't find Mr. T, he finds you.
Mr. T and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Mr. T is not actually black, but his thousands of gold chains create a gravity well so strong not even light can escape.
Arnold Schwarzenegger is not Austrian, and is real name is Edgar Marcus, he received an accent after being the first fool pitied by Mr. T.
Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.
Children are afraid of the dark. Dark is afraid of Mr. T.
The last person who touched Mr. T's gold chains was Helen Keller.
Mr. T stole Michael Jackson's black.
Mr. T invented the I.Q. testing system so he could more accurately pity fools.
Mr. T plays ping pong with a medicine ball.
There is no sun, just Mr T's gold chains
Mr. T singlehandedly canceled "Friends" by frowning one time.
Mr. T has such a strong understanding of the English language that he can use the word "pity" as a preposition, adverb and a conjunction in a single sentence.
Mr. T doesn't lift weights because it infers that he has limits to his strength.
In 1982 while working as a bouncer Mr. T invented a move so perilous that it is still spoken of with great admiration... that move is forever known as T Bagging.
Mr. T's penis is so intimidating that it was offered a spot on the group of judges for American Idol. However, this offer was dropped because Simon Cowell didn't want a bigger d*ck than he was at the judges table.
Mr T. and Chuck Norris decided to spar, they travelled to the only safe place in the Universe, the beginning of time. They bowed to each other and Chuck launched in with a roundhouse kick. Mr. T blocked it, and the resulting pressure wave is commonly called the Big Bang.
Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. the result was the 80's.
Human females have two X chromosomes. Males have an X and a Y. Mr. T has three Ys and a T. He's more man than you'll ever be.
5 out of 5 doctors recommend not pissing off Mr. T.
Mr. T is the reason your son is black.
Mr T once appeared as a background extra in a film and won Best Actor award.
Mr. T scared the black out of Michael Jackson.
Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.
Mr. T beat a wall at tennis. A fucking WALL.
Guns dont kill people, Mr. T kills people.
Mr. T got all his gold chains during a wild night of flashing his man boobs at Mardi Gras in 1992.
When Mr. T sleeps, he stores his gold chains in a special closet built for this purpose. We know this place as "Fort Knox".
When creating the alphabet, Mr. T placed the letters M, R, and T in seperate areas so people could learn to read and spell without fear.
Mr. T is the reason the sky is blue. Don't ask stupid questions.
Mr. T once ate four 72 oz. steaks in 12 minutes. He spent the first 5 minutes laughing at the fact it takes Chuck Norris fifteen minutes to eat three.
Mr. T once captured Bigfoot, but released him after he shaved the beast and realized that it was just Chuck Norris walking around naked in the woods.
When Mr. T was circumsized his foreskin was not disposed of. Instead it was raised as a normal child, and it grew to love the game of basketball. Today we know Mr. T's foreskin as Shaquille O'Neal.
When Mr. T received his star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame, he made his hand prints after the cement was dry.
Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.
On the A-team, Face , Haniabal, and Murdoch were all masters of disguise. Mr T didn't have to wear a disguise. The bad guys didn't recognize him out of fear.
Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiters at Applebee's forgot his birthday.
Mr. T does not actually pity fools. He is just being sarcastic. No one has noticed because it is difficult to pick up such subtleties while being bludgeoned.
Gravity dosen't exist. Mr. T just pities everything to stay down. Birds and planes are exempt beacuse they are shaped like Ts.