Top 15 New Problems for Mike Tyson
15> Fight controversy may adversely affect pro wrestling career.
14> Upcoming TV special with Martha Stewart in doubt.
13> That constant ringing in his mouth.
12> Spock vs. Tyson bout hastily cancelled.
11> Can't decide between the Crest & Tom's of Maine endorsement
10> Kids really start to freak out whenever he tries to play
"Got Your Nose."
9> New nickname of "Nipsy" less intimidating than "Iron Mike."
8> Has absolutely no idea how to handle his next opponent,
Vinny "No Ears" Bottatucci.
7> Nobel people called -- they want their peace prize back.
6> Saturday: Bite some guy's ear off. Sunday: Ozzy Osbourne
won't stop pestering you to go for a drink.
5> Willing opponents now down to Vincent Van Gogh and
J.Paul Getty, Jr.
4> Don King, fearing a loss of credibility, ups commission
from 98 to 99%
3> ASPCA has yet to approve match with Marmaduke.
2> He's starting to make O.J. look respectable.
1> Recurring fantasies about Ross Perot and Prince Charles.