Q: Why is Michael Phelps regarded as a superhero?
A1: When Aquaman needs help he calls Michael Phelps.
A2: The only thing that can defeat Michael Phelps is another Michael Phelps.
A3: Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Michael Phelps pajamas.
A4: Michael Phelps' pulse is measured on the richter scale.
Q: Even though he doesn't wear a watch, why is Michael Phelps never late?
A: Because he always arrives in world record time!
Q: What are the two things that can cut diamonds?
A: Other diamonds, and Michael Phelps!
Q: Which companies are lining up to sign an endorsement deal with Michael Phelps despite the bong picture scandal?
A: Rosetta Stoned & Weedies.
Q: If Michael Phelps was a tennis player what would be is preferred surface?
Q: Why is Michael Phelps excited about being nominated for 4 ESPY awards?
A: Because the award would make a great bong!
Q: Why does Michael Phelps prefer swimming in a lake vs. a pool?
A: There is weed in a lake
Q: Why is it a groundbreaking event when Michael Phelp's mother inked a deal with Johnson & Johnson?
A: Even the uterus Michael Phelps swam out of is getting endorsement deals!
Q: What should Michael Phelps marry Nadya Suleman (Octo Mom)?
A: He has a gold medal for each of her babies.
Q: What cereal brand signed Michael Phelps to an endorsement deal after the bong picture scandal?
Statement: Michael Phelps recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage.
Punchline: We know this beverage as Red Bull!
Statement: Michael Phelps has been dropped as the keynote speaker at two events in Canada.
Punchline: They are not angry about the marijuana bust, just mad that Phelps didn't get his pot from Vancouver.