"Earlier today, the jury at the Martha Stewart
trial reached a verdict. Martha was found guilty on all charges. In a related
story, there's a huge sale at K-Mart." —Conan O'Brien
"This is serious, if Martha gets the maximum
sentence on all counts, she could serve 20 years in prison. Of course, you have
to take off time off for good behavior, which means 20 years in prison."
—Conan O'Brien
"In New York the other day, there was a pro-Martha
Stewart rally. Only four people showed up ... and three of them were made out of
crepe paper!" —Conan O'Brien
"When reached for comment on the charges, Martha
didn't say much, (only) that a subpoena should be served with a nice
appetizer." —Conan O'Brien
"Tom Ridge announced a new color-coded alarm
system. ... Green means everything's okay. Red means we're in extreme danger.
And champagne-fuschia means we're being attacked by Martha Stewart."
—Conan O'Brien
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