Kate Middleton Jokes

Kate Middleton once asked the queen "What's the secret of a long life?"
To which the queen replied "Wear a seat belt and don't piss me off!

Q: Why can't men wait until Kate Middleton becomes Queen?
A: Because they'll be coming into some money!

Prince William is 100% royal, but Kate Middleton is 0% royal.
This means their son is the half-blood Prince.

Kate Middleton went into labor on July 22nd in London.
When the rest of the Royal Family heard, they were like, "Oh my God....what's "labor"?"

Q: What do Kate Middleton and my broken Xbox have in common?
A: They both have the ring of death!

If Kate Middleton farts, is it a noble gas?

Q: What are all men looking forward to after Kate & Williams marriage?
A: Licking the backside of Kate Middleton's stamp!

Q: What wedding present do most Englishmen give Kate & William?
A: 20% of their earnings for the past 5 years!

Q: What did Prince William say after being accused of marrying a commoner?
A: I don't need commanding, I would "commoner" any day!

Q: How did Kate Middleton make a prince fall in love with her?
A: She wore a raspberry beret.

Q: Why is the Royal Mail looking forward to putting Kate Middleton on stamps?
A: Because Englishmen won't mind licking her backside!

Q: How is Prince William getting ready for married life?
A: By saving the princess in Mario Kart!

Q: Why shouldn't the world go mad for the royal pair?
A: It's not all about the tits!

Q: What do Kate Middleton and my cock have in common?
A: They're both stuck up hot little bitches

What is the grasp reflex?
The reaction of Prince William when he sees Kate Middletons nursing breasts.

Q: How is the Royal Mint promoting the new Kate Middleton silver coin?
A: "Any way you flip it, you'll get head every time!"

Q: What is the difference between the Manchester City trophy cabinet and Kate Middletons vagina?
A: Kate Middletons vagina wont be empty tonight!

Q: What's the difference between Diana and Kate Middleton?
A: A car crash

Q: Why should Kate Middleton be on coins?
A: So men can pound her!

Q: How will Kate Middleton know her marriage is over?
A: William will say, "Honey, let's take different cars tonight."

Q: What happened during Kate Middletons wedding night?
A: She was held against her Will!

Q: What's the difference between Arsenal and Kate Middleton?
A: Arsenal aren't tight at the back.

That Kate Middleton is a bit of a hottie, and she's got a cracking set of air bags on her.
They should come in handy in a few years time.

Doctors have said the royal baby is 8 pounds, but you can't really put a price on a child.

Prince William: You know it's a proven fact that women talk twice as much as men!
Catherine: That's because we have to repeat everything we tell our husbands!
Prince William: What?

Prince Charles: "My wife's an angel!"
Prince William: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Kate Middleton was giving birth to the royal baby when.....
Kanye bursts through the door & says "Imma let you finish, but North West was the best birth this summer"

Kate Middleton: I'm three months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
Doctor: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Kate Middleton: Where is the best place to store breast milk?
Doctor: In your breasts.

Dear Kate Middleton,
If you ever have a girl, please name it Princess Leia.
Star Wars fanboys.

Kate Middleton goes to Westminster Abbey church a week before her wedding to confess her sins to the priest. "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned."
"Tell all of your sins, my daughter."
"Oh, Father, last night my boyfriend made hot, passionate love to me seven times," Kate says.
The priest thinks about this long and hard and says, "Take seven lemons and squeeze the juice into a tall glass and drink it."
"Will this cleanse my soul of my sins?" Kate replies.
"No," the priest says, "But it'll wipe that smile off your face!"

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