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J Lo's Ass Joke

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Move Would Reduce Turkey’s Role, Pentagon Says

The U.S. military is seriously considering launching air strikes against Iraq from Jennifer Lopez’s ass, sources close to both the Pentagon and the singer-actress revealed today.

The plan to use Ms. Lopez’s ass as a staging area for air sorties against Baghdad came as a surprise to many in the international community, since the U.S. had been engaged in protracted negotiations to base troops and weaponry in neighboring Turkey.

But sources close to the discussions regarding Ms. Lopez’s ass said that launching air strikes from the platinum recording artist’s backside afforded the U.S. greater flexibility than the Turkish scenario.

“Right now, we’re looking at a situation where we need to pay $30 billion to get Turkey to let us use its bases,” one Pentagon source said today. “Everything would be so much simpler if we just used J. Lo’s ass.”

In Hollywood, where antiwar sentiments dominate, some observers were surprised that the popular singer-actress would lend her ass to any possible military strike against Iraq.

Additionally, her controversial decision fueled speculation about a possible rift between Ms. Lopez and fiancé Ben Affleck, who had earlier opposed the use of his ass for military purposes.

But according to Hollywood talent agent Buddy Schlantz, Ms. Lopez has made a shrewd career move by allowing her ass to join President Bush’s “coalition of the willing.”

“If the United States succeeds in ousting Saddam Hussein, this move is going to take J. Lo’s ass to a whole new level,” Mr. Schlantz said.

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