Jean Claude Van Damme Jokes
When Jean Claude Van Damme drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.
Jean Claude Van Damme is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
If you rearrange the letters in Jean Claude Van Damme it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."
When Jean Claude Van Damme goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
When Jean Claude Van Damme jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Vin instead.
Jean Claude Van Damme is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Jean Claude Van Damme ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Jean Claude Van Damme can get Chick-Fil-A on Sundays.
Jean Claude Van Damme has two speeds: walk and kill.
Jean Claude Van Damme can touch MC Hammer
Jean Claude Van Damme doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Jean Claude Van Damme played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.
You don't hit Jean Claude Van Damme, Jean Claude Van Damme hits you!
Jean Claude Van Damme is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.
You are what you eat. That is why Jean Claude Van Damme's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
Jean Claude Van Damme once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.
Jean Claude Van Damme has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.
Jean Claude Van Damme coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.
Jean Claude Van Damme doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his penis in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while fucking another.
In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Jean Claude Van Damme, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.
Jean Claude Van Damme can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
People with amnesia still remember Jean Claude Van Damme.
Jean Claude Van Damme doesn't do pushups. Instead, he pushes the earth down.
When Jean Claude Van Damme was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Jean Claude Van Damme!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Jean Claude Van Damme could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Jean Claude Van Damme once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Jean Claude Van Damme allows to live.
Jean Claude Van Damme can divide by zero.
Jean Claude Van Damme was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children's hospital.
The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Jean Claude Van Damme punched himself in the face.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Jean Claude Van Damme.
If you were to lock Jean Claude Van Damme in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Vin replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.
On his birthday, Jean Claude Van Damme randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
Jean Claude Van Damme invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
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