Harry Potter Jokes


On a scale from one to ten, how obsessed with Harry Potter are you?
About nine and three quarters.

What's the most unrealistic thing about the Harry Potter books?
A ginger with two friends.

Why did Professor Snape stand in the middle of the road?
So you'll never know which side he's on.

What do you call a Hufflepuff with one brain cell?
Gifted.
What do you call a Hufflepuff with two brain cells?
Pregnant.

How many Muggles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. It is the only thing they are good for.

How can you tell which Harry Potter movie you are watching?
By the size of Hermione Granger's breasts!

You don't get my Harry Potter jokes?
There must be some thing RON with you.

Why was Harry Potter sent to the office?
Because he was cursing in class!

Why doesn't Voldemort have glasses?
Nobody nose.

What do you call a Persian who smokes pot?
Harry Potter

How does Harry Potter get rid of a rash?
With quit-itch.

How do you know if someone's a pureblood?
Don't worry they'll let you know.

What did the comedian say to Harry Potter?
Why so Sirius?

Why does Voldemort only use Twitter and not Facebook?
Cause he only has followers, not friends

What did the golden snitch say when Harry Potter was itchy?
Quidditching!

How many Hufflepuffs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
All of them.

Why does Sirius Black have so many girlfriends?
Once you go black you siriusly dont go back!

Why did Harry Potter cross the road?
No reason, but someone will write fan fiction about it.

Have you heard about the new X rated Harry Potter movie?
Hairy Cooter and the Sorcerer's Bone.

Why did Death Eaters cross the road?
The Dark Lord ordered it.

What does Harry Potter have that Voldemort doesn't?
A NOSE!

How do Death Eaters freshen their breath?
With Dementos.

What do you call a movie about Daniel Radcliffe getting high?
Harry Pothead.

What do you call a potterhead on a horse?
Harry Trotter.

Did you survive Avada Kedavra?
Cause your drop dead gorgeous.

A hufflepuff, ravenclaw, and a gryffindor girl are first years; which one is the sexiest?
The hufflepuff, because she is the only one that's 17.

I named my lizard "Harry" just so I can say "Your a lizard Harry!"

If your boyfriend looks like Oliver Wood, he's probably a keeper.

Knock Knock
Who's There?
You Know!
You Know Who?
Exactly.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cornelius
Cornelius who?
Well, that's politics for you.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I thought Voldemort was ugly,
But then I saw you.

Hermoine: I'm going to bed.
Draco: Can I Slytherin?

Voldemort: Why so sirius?
Sirius Black: Why so nosy?

Ron: Hi I'm Ron Weasley
Harry: Your sister will bear my children.

Luna Lovegood: "I slept with a Brazilian...."
Hufflepuff: "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"

Yo momma's so fat the sorting hat put her in all of the houses.

Yo momma's so fat her patronus is a milkshake.

Yo momma such a slut, her snatch gets more traffic then the Grand Staircase.

Yo momma's so fat, her wand is a Slim Jim.

Yo Mama's so fat her patronus is a whale...

Yo mama so ugly, not even voldemort would say her name

Yo mama's so ugly a Dementor won't even kiss her

Yo mama's a whore-crux.

Your mum so fat when she looks in the Mirror of Erised she sees a ham!

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