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George W Bush One Liners


Q: What is the President Bush's new fitness program to get people walking again?
A: GAS at $3/gallon

Q: When visiting India what did George W think upon seeing a woman with a red dot on her forehead?
A: Holy Shit!!!! She must've been hunting with Cheney

Q: Whats the best birthday gift you can give to George W?
A: An Exit Strategy from Iraq

Q: Why is George Bush giving tax cuts like Jim Jones giving Kool-Aid?
A: It tastes good but it'll kill you.

Q: What would happen if George W Bush had selected the court in 1954?
A: Clarence Thomas would have never got to law school."

Q: Why did the Iraqi women shave there fannies?
A: To send a message out "No more Bush"



Q: George W. Bush is now under treatment for what two problems?
A: Electile dysfunction and premature congratulation

Q: Why can George W Bush run for a third term as president?
A: Because the Supreme Court said if you count his vacation time, he's barely served one."

Q: Why did George Bush and Andy Card agree that Andy could no longer have a cabinent position? (Andy Card is the Chief Of Staff, who originally told George W Bush the country was under attack on 9/11)
A1: Because he doesn't promote inhumane torture (Attorney General: Alberto Gonzales)
A2: Because he didn't originally provide body armor to our troops in Iraq (Secretary of Defense: Donald Rumsfield)
A3: Because he didn't fuck up the government handling of Katrina (Homeland Security Chief: Michael Chertoff)
A4: He didn't expose any CIA Agents (Carl Rove)
A5: He didn't shoot old men in the face (Vice President Dick Cheney)

Q: What did George Bush do when he heard about the devastation of Katrina?
A: Out of force of habit he got out a copy of 'My Pet Goat' and started reading it

Q: What happened when George Bush said Global Warming is happening at a faster pace then he expected?
A: A cabinent member pulled him aside and told him not to worry it's spring time.

Q: Why did George Bush free us from the green jackboot of the Kyoto Protocol.
A: Global warming means better tans.

Q: What did George Bush say when asked about giving Amnesty to illegals?
A: Its absolutely terrible when one loses their memory illegal or legal.

Q: Why did Dubya finally tell Karl Rove "Enough is Enough?
A: He ruined the United 93 movie for him by leaking the ending .

Q: Why is George W Bush only speaking to the Amish?
A: Because they are the only group not upset about the high gas prices!

Q: How do you know George W Bush is not planning on invading Iran?
A: Hmm....he might very well invade Iran, but there won't be any planning involved.

Q: How does the Bush administration plan to fix social security?
A: By taking the word SECURITY out of it.

Q: When meeting Chinese President Hu, how did George W say the two countries are growing closer?
A1: Chinese are slowing being given the civil liberties, Americans take for granted
A2: Americans are moving towards the Chinese system of spying on its people without warrants
A3: Americans are utilizing the Chinese policy of putting people in jail without a fair trial
A4: The Americans are talking about building a Great Wall (Mexico/America)

Q: Why did President Bush's second inaugural celebration cost $40 million?
A: Because his twin daughters insisted on an open bar.

Q: Why is it alright for George W to start drinking again?
A: 'Well, why not? He's got everybody else drinking.'"

Q: What is George W Bush's new motto?
A: Give me liberty or give me death." and if all else fails we'll send FEMA

Q: What's the sad truth about George W Bush's poll numbers?
A: More people believe Elvis is alive then in George W

Q: Whats the difference between George W Bush and the Titanic?
A: No matter how bad things get, nobody can sink George W's ship!

Q:Why did Bin Ladin stop having sex with his wife?
A:Because everytime he would spread her legs he saw Bush!


Q: Why does Laura Bush (Presidents Wife) always get on top?
A: ...Because George Bush can only fuck up.

Q: Why is George W a big fan of Palestinian president Abbas?
A: He absolutely loves his hit song, Dancing Queen.

Q: What is the difference between the George W and Clinton's administration?
A: George W has a trouble controlling his generals and Clinton had trouble controlling his privates

Q: Why is Karl Rove was under fire again today?
A: For leaking the plot of the new Harry Potter book to U.S. President Bush?

Q: Why is the Bush administration so bad at creating jobs?
A: Because they can barely hold onto the ones that they have!

Q: What's the difference between George W Bush and an average student?
A: An Average student can't find Iraq on a Map, George W can get out of Iraq

Q: What happens if Bush's popularity falls any further
A: He'll become a Democrat

Q: What did President Bush do when Ryan Secrest said 62 million people voted in the American Idol finale?
A: He went out and bought a karaoke machine

Q: Why is Hurricane Rita Bush's worst nightmare?
A: An electric chair with no power!

Q: How is George W similar to the Peanuts character Pigpen?
A: Wherever he goes, he stirs up such a humongous mess, it can only be cleaned up by Halliburton.

Q: What did George W ask the Louisiana National Guard when visiting the destruction from Katrina?
A: Does this visit count toward the service time I still owe the National Guard.

Q: What can't George W do while in the White House?
A1: Imprision US Citizens without a trial (...in the name of national security)
A2: Wiretap citizens of the country even though other laws state that you can't
A3: Go to war without a declaration from congress


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