Game Of Thrones Jokes
What do you call a game show about the Starks and Lannisters?
Family Blood Feud.
What's the difference between Cersei Lannister and a direwolf?
Lipstick
What stopped winter from coming?
Winterfell and it can't get up!
What soup killed Robb Stark?
Italian Wedding Massacre.
What is the Nights Watch oath?
Crows before Hoes.
What is the name of the Stark family barbershop?
Winter is Combing.
How do most dragons get to King's Landing?
They fly WesterosJet.
Why do the Lannisters have such big beds?
Because they push two twins together to make a king.
What did the dragon have at McDonalds?
A Qarther Pounder.
What did Winterfell say to King's Landing?
Who needs lavish golden towers when you can have smoke and a big tree
What three rings do you need to marry one of Walder Frey's daughters?
Wedding Ring.
Suffe-Ring.
Murder-Ring.
Why did Tyrion Lannister wear his wedding ring on the wrong finger?
Because he was married to the wrong woman.
What do you call a Lannister girl who can outrun her brothers?
A Virgin.
What is Ygritte's nickname for his Jons penis?
The snow cone.
Why doesn't Cersi have kittens?
Because a Lannister always spays their pets.
How do you win the Game Of Thrones?
It Varys
What do you get when you cross a Lannister and a Lannister?
King Joffrey.
What do you call stormtroopers in jousting tournament?
Game of Clones
Does Theon Greyjoy smell?
No he Reeks.
Why does the Mountain get bigger every season?
He's been taking Westeroids.
Why doesn't Bran Stark take a bath?
He's used to his strong Hodor.
Why does no one from Winterfell have Alzheimer's?
Because the North remembers.
Why is Wylis the most honorable man in all of Westeros?
Because he's been waiting to "hold the door" his entire life.
How does Ygritte know that it's almost winter?
Snow already came.
Why is Arya Stark always on the run?
Because she's constantly being hounded.
What do Grey Worm and the Kingslayer have in common?
They are both missing parts.
What does Varys envy most about Petyr Baelish?
His littlefinger.
Did you hear about the game show with Theon Greyjoy?
It's called "Wheel of Torture."
What do Theon Greyjoy and Justin Timberlake have in common?
A dick in a box.
What kind of car does Tyrion Lannister drive?
A Chevy Imp-ala
What do the men of the Night's Watch need to protect the Seven Kingdoms from White Walkers?
DEADication!
How do you rescue Princess Myrcella?
You follow the foot prince.
Why will Jaime Lannister never come to your aid?
Because he lost his helping hand.
What did the railing say to the stairs?
A Bannister always pays his steps.
Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?
Because there were so many knights!
Why can Jaime Lannister no longer be in the Kingsguard?
Because he can't take the law into his own hands.
What is Kings Landing famous for?
It's knight life!
Where do Kings learn to kill dragons?
At knight school!
Why couldn't Robb Stark jump his car?
He had executed his driver, Lord Karstart.
Why does Robert Strong always wear his armor?
Because he's a sir-vant.
How do you upset Prince Oberyn?
Tell him a mind-blowing joke.
How do white walkers like their dragon eggs?
Terri-fried!
What do you call a woman who has a bastard with Aerys Targaryens son?
Stark Raving Mad.
What do you call free folk after they die?
Wight trash.
Did you hear about the mad king?
He was upset he married slapping beauty.
What movie does Khaleesi need to watch?
How to Train your Dragon.
What does Ramsay Bolton call Fat Waldas children?
Frey pigs in a blanket.
Why are dragons hard to work with?
They fire everyone!
Why does Jaime Lannister wish he was poor?
Because he needs hand-me-downs.
What is the High Sparrow trying to do?
Make Westeros Great Again.
What's a white walkers favorite bean?
A human bean.
How does a Targaryen retake the seven kingdoms?
Khal (call) Drogo.
Have you heard the song Sansa Stark wrote about her family?
"We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together"
What do you call a Disney movie about the Nights Watch?
Wall-E.
Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?
Because he never pays his debts.
What are White Walkers looking forward to this winter?
A wight Christmas.
What do canines watch to learn about the dog-eat-dog world?
Game of Bones.
What happens when the unsullied become horny?
They turn into eunuch-horns (unicorns).
What's the difference between Robin Arryn and the Lady of Bear Island?
Ones a sassy little girl the other one is Lyanna Mormont.
Why did Cersei order the Starks direwolf to be executed?
She has no Sansa humor.
Which Game of Thrones character is always in the Christmas spirit?
Ho Ho Hodor.
Why shouldn't the people of Dorne hold a grudge?
Cause their already use to fucking everybody.
Why can't George RR Martin use twitter?
He killed off all 140 characters.
How do you wake up Sansa Stark?
Softly Turn Her.
How do you surrender to the White Walkers?
Raise the wight flag.
What happens after you realize a main character hasn't died recently on Game of Thrones?
You get Starkophobia.
Why shouldn't Edmure Tully leave a wedding?
The party is dead without him.
Why is Ygritte so immature?
She likes playing with snowballs.
Sand Snakes: Sisters before Misters.
Night's Watch: Crows Before Hoes.
If King Joffrey was anymore inbred, he'd be a sandwich.
Dear HBO, Sansa Stark doesn't marry Ramsey Bolton, Arya kidding me.
Yo momma so fat, the entire Bolton family had to marry her.
Be nice to Arya or she'll add your name to her prayer list at night.
Not every hero holds a weapon, some just "Hold the Door".
Yo momma so stupid, she hired Walder Frey as a Wedding Planner.
Jorah Mormont saw the world in black and white until someone gave him greyscale.
Melisandre is the reason I don't use Tinder.
I heard all the free folk are in Hardhome, then again it might be a little wight lie.
The awkward moment when you start to like the bad guys.
On a scale of one to Sansa Stark, How much do you regret your childhood crush?
The Lannisters and Starks make the Hatfields and Mccoys look like a pillow fight.
Knock Knock!
Who's There?
Arya!
Arya who?
Arya gonna be nice and open the door or am I going to have to put your name on my prayer list at night.
Game Of Thrones Pick Up Lines
I may be an Imp, but I never go limp.
Girl if you looked any more like Emilia Clarke I would be dragon my balls across your face.
Tonights forecast, 6-8 inches of Jon Snow...if your lucky.
Is your name Winter?, cause you'll be coming soon.
Are you sure we are not related?