Q: What is an A-Roid cocktail?
A: An overpriced drink that is best before October!
Q: Why did Alex Rodriguez break up with Kate Hudson?
A: He couldn't live through another screening of "Fool's Gold"!
Q: Why did Alex Rodriguez's wife file for divorce?
A: Because she claims Alex abandoned her and she deserves to be treated better than the Yankees in October!
Q: Why did A-Rod feel the need to take steroids?
A: Every day he woke up feeling half-ass and he wanted to be ass-whole!
Q: Why does Alex Rodriguez feel like Captain Sully Sullenberger?
A: Because he gets to land his jet into the Hudson every night (Kate Hudson)!
Q: Why does Madonna and Alex Rodriguez make a good couple?
A: They go well together since he hit 50 the same year she did!
Statement: New Yorkers are doing whatever they can to avoid catching the flu.
Punchline: Today A-Rod's cousin injected him with Vitamin C.
Statement: Alex Rodriguez has allegedly told his friends that he's over Madonna.
Punchline: And under her. And behind her.
Statement: A New York model has revealed that Alex Rodriguez has a huge foot fetish.
Punchline: It's hardly surprising considering he's spent most of his career with his own foot in his mouth.
"One awkward moment for Sarah Palin at the Yankee game," Letterman said, "during the seventh inning, her daughter was knocked up by Alex Rodriguez."
David Letterman (Quote stirred controversy because it was about 14 year old Willow Palin)
Yo momma so mean she takes more steroids than A-Rod, just to give you a proper whopping.