You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
Job interfering with your drinking.
Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
Career won't progress beyond Senator of Massachusetts.
The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!
Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!
You can focus better with one eye closed.
The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
You are on a first name basis with the entire police department.
Your tolerance is so high you don't order drinks you just ask for the entire bottle.
Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
You schedule your life around your drinking.
Anything that happens to you, good or bad, is just an excuse to get drunk.
Mosquitoes get a buzz after attacking you
The longest you can maintain one emotion is the time it takes to buy a fifth of vodka.
Before you buy anything expensive you always think about how much alcohol you can buy with the money instead.
The only reason you are alive is because of Uber.
Your work performance is actually better when your drunk because your not hungover.
At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
You sort your dirty laundry as with or without vomit.
You can put your friends into three groups: Amused by your drinking, Annoyed by your drinking, and Disturbed by your drinking.
Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
The only words that scare you more than "the baby is yours" is "this is an intervention".
You are in a committed relationship with Johnnie Walker.
You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. - hmm.
The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...
The only time you go home with a girl is when it's "Last Call" and the girl has more booze back at her place.