The Toronto Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be placed on all
alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of drinking a pint
or two of any alcoholic beverage.
1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that
could knock a buzzard off a wreaking dead animal that is one hundred yards away.
2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story
over and over again until your friends want to assault you
4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you
really think of him.
6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn
on the forehead.
7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher,
handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho Bob.
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