Spider Jokes
How do spiders communicate?
Through the World Wide Web.
What is a spiders favorite TV show?
The newly web game!
What did the wife spider say to her husband when he tried to explain why he was late?
Your spinning me a yarn here!
Q: What do you call an under cover spider?
A: A spy-der
What do you get if you cross a tarantula with a rose?
I'm not sure, but I wouldn't try smelling it!
Why are spiders like tops?
They are always spinning!
Why can you never trust spiders?
Because they post stuff on the web.
What do you call a 100 spiders on a tyre?
A spinning wheel!
What do geeky spiders like to do?
Make Websites.
What do you get when you cross a spider and a squirrel?
A bug that will run up your leg and eat your nuts.
What has 8 legs and likes living in trees?
Four anti road protesters?
What do you call Spider-Man joining the Marvel Universe?
A Spin-Off.
What do you call a spider working at a law firm?
A Spin Doctor.
What did the spider say when he broke his new web?
Darn it!
Why can't spiders become pilots?
Because they only know how to tailspin.
Why are spiders bad at driving?
Cause they always spin out.
What do you get when you cross spiders and corn?
Cobwebs.
What does a spider do inside your ear?
It makes your head spin.
What part of a computer does a spider use?
The webcam.
What do you call a big irish spider?
Paddy long legs!
What is red and dangerous?
Strawberry and tarantula jelly!
Why did the spider buy a car?
So he could take it out for a spin!
What does a spider do when he gets angry?
He goes up the wall!
Why are spiders great tennis players?
Cause they have great topspin.
How did the spider destroy the (worldwide) web?
It gave it a bug.
What is a baby spiders favorite TV show?
Webster.
How do you know you've found a modern day spider?
He surfs the web and has a website.
When can you see a spider but not kill it?
On his webcast.
What did mommy spider say to baby spider?
You spend too much time on the web.
How does a spider stay alive in a sorority house?
By putting a positive spin on it.
What do you call two young married spiders?
Newly webs!
What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses?
If one bit you, you could ride it to hospital!
Why are spiders good swimmers?
They have webbed feet!
What do get when you cross an eyeball with a spider?
A website.
How does a spider kiss his secret crush?
He spins the bottle.
Did you hear about the spider love triangle?
It was a tangled web.
What do you call a spider that can dance?
A jitterbug.
How do you spot a modern spider?
He doesn't have a web he had a website!
What are spiders webs good for?
Spiders!
What kind of doctors are like spiders?
Spin doctors!
Dear spiders, if I see you outside, I will let you live. But if I see you in my house, I will kill you. You choose.
My pet tarantula escaped and everybody started bugging out.
Dear women, without men the world would be run by giant spiders?
Dear Men, I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you....Sincerely, Spider.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on a spider this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
Night of Drinking
A man and his pet spider walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking.
They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other.
Finally, the bartender says: "Last call."
So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my spider."
The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the spider falls over dead.
The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave.
The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."
To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a spider."
Movies
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a spider sitting next to him.
"Are you a spider?" asked the man, surprised.
"Yes."
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The spider replied, "Well, I liked the book."