Gorilla Jokes
Q: What is a gorilla's favorite cookie?
A: Chocolate chimp!
Q: What's black and dangerous and lives in a tree?
A: A gorilla with a machine gun.
How did Gertie Gorilla make the 'Playboy' Calendar?
She was 'Miss Ape-ril!'
What do you get if you cross a gorilla and a prisoner?
A Kong-vict!
How did Gertie Gorilla win the beauty contest?
She was the beast of the show!
How did the dog warn its master that a Gorilla was approaching?
He barked g-r-r-r-illa!
How do you prepare a Gorilla sundae?
Your start getting it ready Fridae and Saturdae!
What did George Washington have to do with Gorillas?
As little as possible, dummy!
What do they feed a gorilla when he goes to Paris?
Ape Suzettes!
What do you feed a 600 pound Gorilla?
Anything it wants!
What does a Gorilla attorney study?
The Law of the jungle!
What does a Gorilla learn first in school?
The Apey-cees!
What gives a gorilla good taste?
Four years in an Ivy League school!
What happens if you cross a parrot with a Gorilla?
Nobody is sure, but if it opened its mouth to speak, you'd listen!
What's black, brown and white, black, brown and white, brown and white, etc.?
A Gorilla riding down a snowbank!
What do you need for a wedding in the jungle?
A Flower gorilla and a ring bear.
Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.
What's black, hairy, and writes under water?
A ball-point gorilla!
Why did the advertising company hire a bunch of primates?
For a gorilla marketing campaign.
When did the Gorillas start to picket the cookie factory?
The day they started to manufacture animal crackers!
Which author do the Gorillas love most?
Joh Steinbeck - who wrote 'The Apes of Wrath!'
Which book makes prudish Gorillas blush?
The Naked Ape!
Which city holds the record for the most suicides committed by a Gorilla jumping off a tall building?
Fall-adelphia!
Which drink makes a Gorilla feel tipsy?
An ape-ricot sour!
Which technique does a Gorilla borrow from another animal when it gets romantic?
The bear hug!
Who is the Gorillas' favourite President of recent years?
Hairy Truman!
Why couldn't the Gorilla pitcher make it in the major leagues?
His balk was worse than his bite!
Why did both Germany and the U.S want to hire Apes during World War Two?
Because they are excellent at waging Gorilla warfare!
Why did the actor fire his Gorilla agent?
The big Ape kept wanting to take more than a 10% bite!
Why did the girl Gorilla, engaged to the invisible man, call off the wedding?
Because in the last analysis she just couldn't see it!
Why did the Gorilla fail English?
He had little Ape-titude!
Why do waiters like Gorillas better than flies?
Did you ever hear a customer complain 'Waiter, there's a Gorilla in my soup!'
Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
A: They have big fingers.
Q. Why did the ape run around with a piece of raw meat on his head?
A. He thought he was a gorilla. (griller)!
How does a Gorilla become another animal?
When a Mafia don hires a 'big Gorilla' to be his bodyguard and the big Ape goes to the cops and turns into a stool pigeon!
How do you make a Gorilla laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale!
How do you make a Gorilla float?
Two scoops of ice cream, some club soda and a very tasty Gorilla!
Q: Why don't the gorillas in the jungle play poker any more?
A: There are just too many Cheetahs.
Q: What is as big as a gorilla but weighs nothing?
A: Its shadow!
Q: Why are gorillas so noisy?
A: They were raised in a zoo!
How did a Gorilla come to be with Washington at Valley Forge?
He had seen a sign saying, 'Uncle Simian Wants You!'
How did a Gorilla come to be with Washington at Valley Forge?
He had seen a sign saying, 'Uncle Simian Wants You!'
Q: Where does a monkey cook his toast ?
A: Under a gorilla!
Q: Why did King Kong climb the Empire State building?
A: Because he couldn't fit in the elevator!
Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
A: Because they have big fingers!
Q: Why did the gorilla fall out of the tree?
A: It was dead.
Q: What do monkeys do when they're mad at each other?
A: They have a Gorilla war!
Q: Why did the gorilla go to the doctor?
A: Because his banana wasn't peeling very well!
Q: What should you do if you find a gorilla sitting at your school desk?
A: Sit somewhere else!
Q: What's a monkey's favourite drink?
A: A sas-gorilla.
Q: How do gorillas get down the stairs?
A: They slide down the banana-ster!
Q: What do gorillas do when they go mad?
A: Go bananas!
Q: What do you call a gorilla playing quidditch?
A: A hairy potter!!
Q: What's a gorilla's favourite pop group?
A: Bananarama!
Q: What is a ape's favourite toy?
A: A Bab-boom-orang!
Q: What sort of key does a gorilla need to open a banana?
A: A monk-key!
Q: Where do gorillas like to get their hair cut?
A: Vidal Baboon!
Q: How do you stop a gorilla from charging?
A: Take away his credit card!
Q: What's a chimpanzee's favourite music band?
A: The Gorillaz!
Q: What did the banana say to the gorilla?
A: Nothing, bananas don't talk!
Peanuts
A dad and his young boy go to the zoo. They are in front of the gorilla cage, and the little boy throws him a peanut.
The gorilla catches it, puts it in the butthole, then removes it, and finally, he eats it.
Seeing this show, the little boy and the father let out a "Ewwww" of disgust.
In spite of everything, and to be sure of not having dreamed it, they throw another peanut to the gorilla and the gorilla sticks it up his butt first then eats it.
At this point, the zoo keeper passes. The father tells him about the gorilla "This gorilla is really stupid, he sticks his food up his butt before he eats it.
Think again, he is very intelligent: Last week, someone gave him a mango, and he could not pass the pit ... so now he checks that it will pass each time.
How do You?
A student named Jacob was sitting in class one day and the teacher walked by and he asked her "How do you put an elephant in the fridge?"
The teacher said "I don't know, how?"
Jacob then said "You open the door and put it in there!"
Then Jacob asked the teacher another question "How do you put a gorilla in the fridge?"
The teacher then replied "Ohh I know this one, you open the door and put it in there?"
Jacob said "No, you open the door, take the elephant out, and then you put it in there."
Then he asked another question..."All the animals went to the lions birthday party, except one animal, which one was it?"
The teacher a bit confused and said "The lion?"
Then the student said "No,the gorilla because he's still in the fridge."
then he asked her just one more question...."If there is a river full of crocodiles and you wanted to get across it,how would you"
The teacher then says "You would walk over the bridge."
Then Jacob says "No, you would swim across because all the crocodiles are at the lions birthday party!"
She laughs and walks away.
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