Ferret Jokes


The Wife
A guy brings a ferret home , tells his wife it's a pet.
She asks , "Where are you going to keep it?"
He repies , "In the bedroom."
"But what about that horrible nasty smell?' , she asks.
"I got used to you , I'm sure he will too!"

Religious Cowboy

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a ferret walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the ferret's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the ferret. "Your name is written inside the cover."

Nasty Little Boy

A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a bb gun in one hand and a ferret in the other.
"Now Listen here," the policeman said,
"Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature I shall personally do to you"
"In that case," said the boy.
"I'll kiss it's butt and let it go"

Night of Drinking
A man and his pet ferret walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking.
They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other.
Finally, the bartender says: "Last call."
So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my ferret."
The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the ferret falls over dead.
The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave.
The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."
To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a ferret."

Movies
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a ferret sitting next to him.
"Are you a ferret?" asked the man, surprised.
"Yes."
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The ferret replied, "Well, I liked the book."

Q: What do you call a mismatched pair of socks in the wash?
A: Evidence.

Q: How do you drive a ferret crazy?
A: Give him a round litter pan.

Q: What is a ferret's favorite song?
A: Dook, dook, dook, dook of Earl...

Q: How many California ferret owners does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Thousands. First they have to write to their representatives, educate others, obtain support, etc. then have a bill proposal pass through various committees before the government will allow the bulb to be changed.

Q: Who is a ferret's favorite president?
A: John Fitchgerald Kennedy.

Q: What do you call an ferret with a carrot in each ear?
A: Anything you want as he can't hear you!

Q: What did the grape say when the ferret stood on it?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

Q: Why did the ferret cross the road?
A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!

Q: When does a ferret go "moo"?
A: When it is learning a new language!

Q: Why did the blonde give her ferret a coke?
A: Because when she was young her parents told her "Pop goes to the Weasel".

Q: What do you call a ferret that can pick up an elephant ?
A: Sir!

Q: What do Muhammed Ali and Bandit the Ferret have in common?
A: They both know how to duke it out.

Q: Ferrets favor fashions by which designer?
A: Alberta Ferretti.

Q: Who is a ferret's favorite composer?
A: Ferretric Chopin.

Q: Who is a ferret's favorite band?
A: The Ferretones.

Q: Which ferret became an author of stories set in WWII and after?
A: Elie Weasel.

Q: Which high-kicking ferret won the Gold in Tae Kwon Do at the '92 Olympic Games?
A: Herb Ferretz.

Q: Who is the ferret Zionist prime minister?
A: Shimon Ferretz.

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