What do you get if you cross a centipede and a parrot?
A walkie talkie!
What do you get if you cross a centipede and a chicken?
Enough drumsticks to feed an army!
Why was the centipede dropped from the insect football team?
He took too long to put his boots on!
What is worse than an alligator with toothache?
A centipede with athlete's foot!
What is worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A centipede with chilblains!
What has 50 legs but cant walk?
Half a centipede!
What do you call a guard with 100 legs?
What goes 99-clonk, 99-clonk, 99-clonk?
A centipede with a wooden leg!
How tall is the worlds largest centipede?
Did you hear about the two Centipedes in love?
They would complete each others centinces.
What do you get when you cross an animal rights activist and a centipede?
A centient being.
Why was the centipede late?
Because he was playing ‘This Little Piggy' with his friends!
I felt so guilty after I stepped on that centipede this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
A guy goes hiking and finds a rare poisonous centipede. Wanting to show his drinking buddies he puts it in a small ventilated box.
Once he gets it home, the guy decides to take the centipede to his local bar.
He taps on the box and says, "Would you like to go to Charley's with me and have a beer?"
There's no answer from the centipede. He waits a few moments then says, "How about you and me going to a bar?"
Again, there's no answer. Thinking the centipede can't hear him, the man goes right up to the box and yells, "Hey! Would you like to go to Charley's and have a drink?!"
A little voice comes out of the box, "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes."
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a centipede sitting next to him.
"Are you a centipede?" asked the man, surprised.
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The centipede replied, "Well, I liked the book."
A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football.
During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning.
But during the second half, a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game.
When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, Where were you during the first half?
He replied "Putting on my shoes!"